Ambrosia

It's been hard. Not because of the persistent first-born problems nor the misery on the job. Perhaps because of the losing a friend to bitterness and other personal garbage, perhaps because of the not knowing and the apathy towards it, and yeah, fine, perhaps because of the persistent first-born problems and the misery on the job.

It's been hard. It's his happiness versus my sanity. Ain't anythin' fair in this goddamned world, dammit.

It's been hard. Everyday since. There is a huge wall between The Before and The After. Scratch that, not a wall. A huge block of personal defeats and childhood fears and endless rejection, perhaps. Cemented by The Now, the endlessness of this vague existence punctuated by deep breaths, by holding it in.

I once heard that we should not wonder why people go crazy; that we must wonder how the hell we all are not.

My greatest achievement from two weeks ago was being able to slice four tomatoes without slashing my wrists.

It still is.